• Are all singles in some sort of a holding pen where they spend their time mingling until somebody takes pity on them and picks them from the litter? If so then I must be the runt of the litter..the one that even the bitch discards or tries to get rid of by sitting on. I feel like I have been waiting..so long.. I don’t know what it feels like to be on the out side anymore..to really be held by my man, to be admired by my man…to have a man I can call my own. I’ve cried, hoped, prayed, pleaded, angered and cried some more over this. They wrote albums on me but I am still here …lonely, desperate, hanging on desperately to the thinning thread that connects me to futile optimism. Granted I have learned lessons..yea..but for what purpose? Lessons are only worth their salt when one has over come and can look back, but I am still too far behind, too deep under it to see the light. Desperation, they say leads people into a frenzy of action but for me, it seems I have become more soulful, more self absorbed, more thoughtful more of everything I would never think of if I was otherwise involved. The irony I believe lies in the fact that its not the sex that I desire, that I hunger for, for that would be too easy to repair. It’s the closeness of being with one. The predictability of knowing someone inside out, intimately, to be an x-ray image in one’s eyes and to not feel uneasy about it. Sex is easy to compensate for, but one cannot compensate for a smile, touch, nook that feels just right, bed hair and knowing someone is waiting for you to come home, someone wants you to come home. The runt of the litter is usually very unlucky from the time it enters the world. It is ignored, bullied away from the milk and receives the least attention. Sometimes it gets eaten or smothered by the parent, perhaps to save it from a life of misery. It’s the last to go on “sale day.” But sometimes, it gets picked, and because it is so fragile and usually has a lot of health related problems, it gets pampered and dotted on. The affection intensifies and a lifetime bond develops, this explains why some people will go through fire for their pets. A runt loves aggressively because it knows how it feels to have no love, to be abandoned. A runt is loyal, it has seen too much ugliness and disloyalty to shun from the whole thing. A runt is special, there is not one other with defects and limitations that it has. A runt celebrates how it can overcome its limitations. A runt is least likely to be sold off, abandoned or traded in, if its owner chose it. A runt celebrates and is proud, never resentful of who it is.
Comments
on Aug 06, 2004

runts dont write or think as well as you on the one hand.  and we all know about what ugly ducklings grow into. 

on Aug 06, 2004
ugly ducklings


*Thanks!* somehow, on a very special level..it makes me feel better!

It's really scary because when i started this blog project I swore I'd write it all, good or bad and its pretty unsettling and exciting to put myself out there in such a naked manner >