Speaking of the shits I had the worst episode the other night. I willingly knowingly ate a cup of yoghurt that was a good month overdue. I was thinking, I just bought some good imported dark Cervesa that was a whole year old and it was on sale..nothing happened except for the fact that I got drunk after the first two bottles. Looking back, I think I was expecting some similar pleasant consequence to occur upon consuming the outdated yoghurt. Boy was I way off. It started with a tight knot just above my chest, the knot wriggled and writhed and I know this because unbelievable pain registered everytime this happened. This was around 11pm. I figured, pms…been there done that, it can’t get any worse…once again I missed the mark by a long shot. Half an hour later, my body was imitating the alien that was dancing inside me right above my chest. Then the dam broke, the first trip was just a trickle of fowl smelling stools, so was the second and third.. the fourth was a waterfall of curry colored water with tiny clusters coming out every once in a while. When I came back to consciousness I must have been on my 21st trip. Thank goodness I have had a lot of practice, making emergency trips to my bathroom whilst completely unconscious from a night of drinking so I knew the drill. Diarrhea literally sucks the life out of you, and you can feel it happening too. Many thoughts ran through my mind at the time, I realized I had noone I could blame my (literally) shit on. I had noone to hand me toilet paper and to wait outside my toilet door with a cold glass of water, no one to massage my stomach but the most dominant thought was my strong resolve to not call anyone since I did not want to go to the hospital, my biggest fear after death and snakes. After my long night of fighting with the alien devil, I swore I would never eat anything that had no date on it, let alone a date that’s any ealier than yesterday at 12 noon. I also spnet my free day drinking my sugar, salt and water solution and catching up on sleep, ready for another night of the aftershock shits. Note to self, think seriously before you eat ..food of any kind for that matter, that’s a potential death weapon you have in your refridgerator.