Sorry, I mean't Ghettoscope!!
GHETTOSCOPES
Horoscopes That Keep It Real
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)
Tomorrow, someone will accuse you of spending too much time on your computer. Get them off your back by telling them you've got “lots of work to do.” Then once you're alone again, send viruses to their computer, one at a time.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)
Today will be your lucky day; a store cashier will let you slide with your expired coupons! Live it up—this is as good as it gets for you today.
Gemini (May 21-Jun 20)
Begin 2004 by staying on the right track—not the horse racing track.
Cancer (Jun 21-Jul 22)
Now is a good time to teach your children the value of honesty. Begin by answering the phone
the next time your in-laws call.
Leo (Jul 23-Aug 22)
Like millions of other Americans, you made a New Year’s Resolution to lose weight. Also like
millions of other Americans, you will find it by February 14.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
Due to a bump on the head today, you will lose all memory of how much money you owe your friend. Or at least, that what’s you tell him.
Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
Because you have vowed to watch your spending this year, you will stop buying ‘one-hit wonder’ CDs. For now, get all your money’s worth by listening to your Truth Hurts CD, and
sing your little heart out.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
A very mysterious and exciting person will
enter your life today, and what you do with them from that point on is YOUR business.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
Return all unwanted Christmas gifts by the end of the month. Keep the Chia Pet though, especially since you've discovered that not only is it a houseplant, it also wards off evil spirits.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Lately, you’ve been craving attention. Tomorrow, make a call from a pay-phone in a very busy
place, and say (in a loud voice) “You dumped the body WHERE?”
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
The magic number for you this week is 7. This
number reflects how many months it will take you to catch up on your credit card bills from all your holiday spending.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)
You have begun to believe in yourself now more than ever. When people approach you today, try to get them to clap their hands if they believe in you, too.
(heheh, I think I have found my next form of entertainment: Beansoup rocks!!)